I don't think I am making any sense....

I am trying so hard to be positive about life right now...but it is hard! When people ask me how I'm doing I always try to smile and look at the good things in my life. I have so much to be thankful for. But I will tell ya, it is hard when you call your mom and she is crying and she just doesn't know why everything in her world has turned upside down. I get so frustrated when I can't make everything okay. I try so hard not to ask the question why? But I think it is quite surely impossible. I sit here and think about how much my mom needs my dad, and then comes that awful word again....why? I have given this a lot of thought and the only thing I can come up with is maybe this is all for us. I try to think of everything good that has come from this horrible nightmare and here is what I have come up with.

1. The other day Boyd came to me and told me he was going to be a better husband.
2. It really brings families together...I really think it has
3. We are all going to get to spend more time with my mother

This is all I could come up with, and I ask myself, would Dad do this for us again if he knew that these 3 things would come true. And I can't help but think...yes, I believe he would. That is the kind of guys he was!!

So, I have to make a choice right now. Is this going to make me a better person...or am I going to wallow away in self pity, because I can't make everything all better, and I like to be a healer of hearts. I love making people feel better, and I can't, and I think that is getting the best of me!!!
Anyway, I am going to promise right now to be a better wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend! I promise...I promise...I promise........I don't want to have any regrets! Regrets are the worst! I hate them...they make you feel horrible! Anyway, I think I have rambled on enough! I just had to write down a few of my thoughts!!!!!